Bad Press Easily Diverted

The Office of the Commissioner of Baseball
Allan H. (Bud) Selig, Commissioner
245 Park Avenue, 31st Floor
New York, NY 10167
(212) 931-3800

Dear Mr. Commissioner:

Well. Now that that’s finally over with, all the focus has turned to you. Shocker. Your fifteen years worth of commissioning appears to have not left you in the prettiest of lights. Deadspin really let you have it today, as are all of the sports talk radio personalities. Not to worry, though. I’ve got the solution.

As an older brother to three sisters, I frequently found ways to divert their attention when trouble arose. A stubbed toe? Give ‘em a Charlie horse in the thigh. Feeling particularly fat? Remind ‘em how ugly they are. Always takes their minds off of what they’re worrying about. Now, I come prepared to offer you a similar solution.

All of this ado over the newly crowned homerun king can be easily dissipated. It requires one step, and one step only. Yep. You guessed it: Lift the ban. Jim Rome had -- big surprise -- some really choice words for Bonds today. It all centered on the infamous asterisk. I posit that you, too can have an asterisk on your career.

For every time someone complains about the state of baseball’s affairs on your watch, imagine how awesome it could be if someone else would then turn and say, “Sure. But he got Pete Rose back in baseball.”

It’s that simple. The homerun king will go to Cooperstown no doubt. Can you really stand there with a clean conscience and allow that to happen while Pete Rose sits on the outside? I didn’t think so. Let me know how I can help get this ball rolling. I’ll be in touch.