Monday, August 13, 2007

Tips To Aid Secret-Agent Mission?

The Office of the Commissioner of Baseball
Allan H. (Bud) Selig, Commissioner
245 Park Avenue, 31st Floor
New York, NY 10167
(212) 931-3800

Dear Mr. Commissioner:

Well, Bondsmania isn’t over yet, at least not in the eyes of some media figures. Jason Whitlock of The Kansas City Star wrote a column for yesterday’s paper claiming that Hank Aaron’s silence with regard to the ultra-hyped home run record chase was “golden.”

The column is long-winded and makes a few key points, but offers little new insight. The reason I mention it today is that Whitlock points out that segregation and steroids are a burden that belong solely to you as the commissioner of baseball.

I see this as an opportunity to re-visit a theme that I’ve brought up on several occasions: doing something positive, something different to shake some of the negative press from the foreground. What, you might ask, is something that squelchtacular.

It involves a specific number, that much I can tell you. It would be non-erudite of me to flat out give you the digits. I am, however, a huge fan of hints, and your hint is this: said number falls somewhere in the abyss of numeric range that spans from 13 on up to 15. Once you’ve compiled a team of strategists to solve this mystery, I, again, can’t tell you exactly what to do with it. I can offer one more hint, though.

Advanced phraseology may aid you in deciphering that the answer rhymes with “direct new troopers down.” That and the whole thing might have something to do with New York.

That’s all I got for you today, Mr. Commissioner. God speed.

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